


confidently lost

by hyuckyang



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Crushes, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, M/M, Melodramatic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 08:59:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18465736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyuckyang/pseuds/hyuckyang
Summary: Donghyuck wasn’t sure about a lot of things, especially as of late, but there was one thing he was certain about — he never wants to look back and wonder “what if?”





	confidently lost

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in my balcony with the sun setting in less than an hour while thinking about the future, enjoy

Donghyuck moved with the wind.

 

There was never a time in his life where he found himself stuck in the moment. Lingering touches and drawn-out gazes were nothing but a fictional part in the movies he loved to watch.

 

After all, life was a constantly moving game. You either find yourself swallowed by the thick, heavy blanket of normalcy or you push yourself far enough into something extraordinary.

 

The only thing he craves is to leave a mark. He wanted people, the world, to know him, no matter how little or grand the mark might be. A smile, a word, a story, a memory — a mark.

 

_Thud, thud, thud._

 

Footsteps echo in the deserted hallway mixed with some suppressed giggles and hushing, in that order. The walls aren’t unfamiliar with the sound of laughter, that’s what fills them during the awaken hours anyway. These same walls that watched children grow into adults for generations, before eventually letting them out into the real world. In some way, these walls were almost like their temporary guardian. A guardian that protected their youth.

 

There’s no words that can describe the feeling you get when you realize that someday will also be the last day where you get to hold onto your youth. It’s a bit dramatic to think like that, especially when all this is is the boring grey walls of his (now old) high school.

 

The graduation banners are still hanging loosely on the walls and off the ceiling as a reminder of the huge milestone they hit just ten hours ago. But they don’t feel like just a reminder, more like a punch in the gut because this is another chapter closing — and Donghyuck is scared shitless.

 

“Be on the lookout, I think I know where the janitors keep the stairway keys.”

 

Donghyuck snaps awake from the ongoing rave of emotions inside his chest. He turns to the left of him, just to get greeted by a smile that presses the pause button on his bubbling feelings. He returns the smile with what he hopes is the same warmth and confidence.

 

“Why do I have to be on the lookout?” he tries not to whine, but the words come out in a higher octave.

 

“Because I’m tinier than you,” Renjun says with a scoff as if that argument was valid. “Plus, janitors used to let me stay over here after art class, remember? They love me.”

 

Donghyuck shows defeat by leaning against the wall near the corner. The likelihood of someone showing up was near impossible but Renjun was always the one for an adventure and who was Donghyuck to deny him from such thing?

 

From his place near the wall, Renjun moving around in the small, cramped up office is audible. Everything is in the still summer night they were currently experiencing. In fact, too still for his liking.

 

“Let’s go,” Renjun huffs after long minutes of searching. His thinner fingers wrap around Donghyuck’s without any withstanding and they take off running down the familiar halls. Their sneakers sequel against the floor, ruining the discreteness they had hoped they would have. 

 

As they are sprinting, Donghyuck spots their class photos. Their school was rather keen on keeping all the memories of their classes stuck to the walls, especially the graduating grades. He can barely catch the individual faces as he is running but he registers the blurry faces of his tiny friend circle in front of the school playground in the midst of their own class photo.

 

It’s almost like a metaphor if he comes to think of it. Just like the past years has passed by, he is now passing the pictures by with the same speed and blurry effect.

 

“This door was always a bitch to open,” Donghyuck murmurs as his shoulder repeatedly pushes against the metal door with his hands wrapped around the door handle. The ''authorized personnel only' sign stares back at him with every push. He gives it two final pushes before it springs open with a force that is powerful enough to make him stumble forward.

 

Renjun beams besides him and continues on up the narrow stairs with enthusiasm. The staircase used to be a regular occurrence in their life, up until life grabbed them by the throat and tore them apart from it. Ok, that’s a tidbit dramatic — their teacher found out about their tiny mischievous actions and changed the locks to the doors to prohibit them from going up there ever again.

 

But there was no teacher to tell them off now, nor was there anyone to force them to return home because they were adults officially as of today. Adults with the moon as their only witness to their crimes.

 

The moon was nice and on their side, it always was.

 

“Wow, it looks exactly the same,” Renjun gasps when they finally open up the next door finally leading out to the rooftop.

 

''The same'' Renjun was speaking about was an endlessness of concrete, several buzzing air conditioning machines scattered around and cigarette buds giving dimension to the whole ordeal. It was exactly how Donghyuck remembered it and fuck it was perfect.  

 

“I swear to god most of these are Mark’s,” Donghyuck chuckles as he walks up to a pile of smashed up joints by the edge that is facing the open grass field behind their school. “Remember when he took up smoking for months because Yukhei said his summer crush had offered him a joint?”

 

Renjun snorts at the memory. “Somehow it made him smarter. Doesn’t weed kill brain cells or something?”

 

“Smart enough to properly ask Yukhei out instead of dancing around it,” Donghyuck shrugs and leans forward slightly. Renjun immediately grabs a hold of his thin t-shirt to make sure that he doesn’t slip and fall. Dying on your graduation day couldn’t be the most fun thing, one can imagine.

 

They let the silence have it’s moment. It wasn’t that late in the night for it to be completely silent in their small town but it was quiet enough for the wind to be the dominating noise.

 

Suddenly, Renjun starts humming to a melody against the night. When Donghyuck turns around to ask him what song he is singing, he feels the air leave his lungs at a fast pace. Too fast for him to be able to grasp it back. The sight he is greeted with is his best friend with his eyes set on the star filled sky and lips barely moving in song. Small rays of moonlight somehow push their way through the atmosphere all the way to his skin only to create a home right on top of his cheekbones.

 

Donghyuck doesn’t recognize the song up until he arrives to the chorus. By the time he does recognize it, he feels a gentle snap inside his chest.

 

“You still remember that,” he whispers, careful not to break the scene. Thankfully, the scene isn't broken because Renjun continues on with the song until his voice fades into the darkness.

 

“How could I forget?” Renjun smiles, eyes still set on the sky. “It was the first time we met each other.”

 

“I can’t believe our future starts tomorrow,” Donghyuck finally spills after avoiding it for so long. He used to dodge the subject each time their friend circle brought it up. He wasn’t like Jaemin that already knew what his future held back in middle school, nor was he like Mark that already had an employment at his father's company before he was born. He was like the wind — everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

 

Renjun finally looks at him. “Are you scared?”

 

“Are you?” Donghyuck bounces back right away, still feeling a heaviness in his chest each time the subject was brought up, even if he was the one bringing it up right now.

 

“No,” Renjun smiles. The smile that is so pure and hidden. Donghyuck knows not a lot of people has had the pleasure of seeing and for a second he feels blessed over the fact that he is the one it’s usually directed to.  

 

“There’s nothing to be scared about. Neither of us are moving away, right? I’m gonna continue on drawing until I figure everything out and you will be the same old Donghyuck. Always jumping around, leaving your lovely mark,” Renjun says and it sounds so easy. Donghyuck wishes that he could let his words in, but they barely pass the front door of his heart. “We got each other, that’s all that matters.”

 

Then, Donghyuck takes a good look into his eyes and all that he sees is forever.

 

He wasn’t sure about a lot of things, especially as of late, but there was one thing he was sure about — he never wants to look back and wonder “what if?”

 

What if’s were never part of his story. Whoever wrote the book of Donghyuck’s life left those two words out voluntary, almost as if they were a foreign language and in most cases, he is honestly happy because of that.

 

Renjun however, Renjun was the only what if in his life. The what if that constantly ran through his mind in a undefeated pace, the same what if that crowded his daydreams and invaded his sleeping state.

 

And Donghyuck never dreamt of a fairytale, he just wanted Renjun. Because while he was busy trying to leave his own mark in the world, Renjun left his own inside his heart without him even noticing.

 

“Renjun, there’s something I have to tell you,” Donghyuck swallows. There’s a car honking from somewhere, presumably downtown where the graduation party was being held at.

 

“I know,” Renjun never loses his smile. In fact, it only grows.

 

Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows. “You know?”

 

Small, warm palms lay delicately on top of his flushed cheeks. They touch him like flower petals that drift through the summer breeze, and all Donghyuck does is lean against it. Renjun knows and maybe that’s not so bad after all.

 

“I really want to kiss you,” he finds himself whispering with shyness he has never experienced before.

 

“I really want you to kiss me too,” Renjun whispers and just like everything else in their relationship, he leans up until their lips are softly grazing against each other because Renjun was always the uncowardly one that took the first step.

 

But, Renjun might be the uncowardly one but Donghyuck was always the one that played the cards so he wraps his arms around Renjun’s waist and crashes their lips together underneath the moonlight.

 

There’s so many unspoken words between them but the words got lost in the editing of their chapter. Donghyuck can’t find it in himself to mourn them, not when there’s an entire future they are going to write down together.

 

And suddenly — the ending doesn’t feel like an ending and more like a brand new beginning.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hoped you enjoyed. i love u so much. 
> 
> your thoughts, kudos and comments mean so much. 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/hyuckyan) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hyuckyang)


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